All rise. All rise. Court is now in session. Kim Allred presiding.

Ok maybe not presiding, but I got called to Jury Duty! Can you believe my rotten luck?

Firstly, I have never gotten the mail at my place, and the one day I do, the only thing in the box is a lovely letter for me. I'll never get the mail ever again.

Secondly, I just barely registered to vote for this past election. I'll never vote ever again.

Thirdly, I'm just nineteen!! I'll never be nineteen ever again.

(Don't you love my double negatives? I sure do. Oh, and I'll probably still do all those things, but I'm still working on stopping being nineteen. It's taking a lot of effort.)

I called my mom right after I got it, and I tried to convince her (jokingly) to come with me. I will have no clue what's going on, and I'll be all alone. That's the part that I'm dreading the most.

Also, what if it's a murderer/rapist/abductor/fraternizer/traitor/mafia member/stalker person? I will of course do my "civic duty" and vote against him, but that will incite the murderer/rapist/abductor/fraternizer/traitor/mafia member/stalker person's wrath! He will probably have a personal vendetta against me because he was counting on pity from such a young, lovely thing. I'll spend the rest of my life hiding under the pseudonym of Shaniqua Kulmatiski and living in total petrification of being caught. I'll examine every corridor for lurkers, peer behind every shower curtain, and hire a personal guard/kung-fu fighter/food taster/weapons master/slave/troubador/undercover hunk with whom I will fall madly in love until I'm left crying over his dead body after he's been fatally poisoned with arsenic-laced, prime-rib steak...

Of course, that probably won't happen, but wouldn't it be exciting if it did?

The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.

Today on the way to school I mentally found where every letter of the alphabet was in the sentence above. Why? Because I'm crazy.

Also, Today's my half-birthday!! Happy half-birthday to me! It's scary to think that I will be twenty in just six months. Ah! That is so old. 

Also also, I've been alternating between Pilates and The Biggest Loser tapes for exercise this week. (You laugh at the second one, but it is killer!) I've been super sore because of this, and I wrote a spontaneous song about it. Want to hear? Too bad, you have no choice.

My butt is very sore.

Very sore is my butt.

And if it was not very sore.

It would not be my butt.

Any guesses on the tune/song?

What Have I Done?

Since I have no one to tag, I'm going to take the liberty of commenting on some of these.

What have you done?

Bold the items you have done:
1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band (I've been in many. The coolest would probably be jazz  band, and my band with some of my friends up here called The Penguins!)
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland (Yay!)
8. Climbed a mountain (It doesn't say to the top...)
9. Held a Praying Mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea 
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch (I say that crocheting is art.)
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning (Chuckarama is Suckarama and Upchuckarama.)
17. Been to the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa at the Louvre
20. Slept on a train (I fell asleep on the tracks, so I say that counts.)
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort 
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person

34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors (It doesn't specify which ones.)

35. Seen an Amish community

36. Taught yourself a new language

37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied

38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing 
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie (I say that home-made movies count.)
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma (Never, never, never.)
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp (This one is so unfair. I went to Germany, and we had two buses. At one point, one bus got to go to a concentration camp. The rest of us went to a clock tower. I really wanted to go.)
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten caviar
72. Tied a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a Bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book (Someday.)
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous (Matt Dorame counts.)
92. Joined a book club (My Understanding Literature class is basically a book club, and I joined it.)
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby 
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake (Sadly no even though it's right there, but I've always wanted to, but no one will go with me.
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Visited Italy

I have 43 like Alyssa. Woot-ish!

Fainting Fatality

Once upon a time, there was a lovely girl named Kim. She dreamt her whole life of being a damsel in distress. Every dream ended with her white knight rescuing her from the calamity. 

One ordinary day, she woke up. She felt perfectly chipper and went about her daily duties. She then journeyed to her academy for her first course of the day. It was her Health lesson, a class that she dearly enjoyed. Alas, her interest decreased alarmingly when she found out that the subject matter being discussed was... contraceptives! She was horrified at what she learnt (that's all you need to know). 

One might say that Kim shouldn't have stayed, but she was studious and desired to pass the exam. She became decidedly feather-brained (light-headed) while listening to her professor. She tried to still trudge along with note-taking and put her head down on her desk when she had the chance. Alas the day! It became too much for her, and she... FAINTED. 

The next thing she knew the professor was in front of her, and Kim was rushed out the door. She spent time in the headmaster's office until the king's knight (security guard) escorted her to the school infirmary. She spent the morning there in an swoony haze. The healer asked her all sorts of questions like: "Did you sleep?"; "Did you eat?"; "Are you diabetic?"; "Has this happened before?"; "Is George visiting?"(Are you on your period?); "Are you stressed?" To which she replied: "Yes."; "Yes."; "No."; "No."; "Yes." "YES!" The healer told her that her blood pressure is normally low and that it just dropped too low. She was informed that it was probably a one time thing that was influenced by the factors of George, stress, low blood pressure, and contraceptives. She rested for the rest of the day and got excused from a physics test.

Thankfully, our heroine recovered, but, alas, she mourned the fact that she thought of no one romantically in her health class, so there was no knight. She wished it had been in her Understanding Literature class because then.... Let's just say it would've been an entirely different story.

The moral of this story is contraceptives are gross!

"Faint heart never won fair lady!"- W. S. Gilbert

P.S. Truly, this is a true story of truthfulness and truth.

Be Amazed.

Lately I've had nothing to do for the last half an hour of work. I decided that I'm going to try to do at least a few little blog posts. (This is the part where you rejoice.) 

Anyways, I was talking to Katie last night, and we both mentioned that we (the SA girls) haven't been communicating super a lot. I realized that I was the worst culprit of this. You guys all talk about what's happening in your lives on your blogs and everyone gets to comment on them. I also never call or text anyone. (But don't feel left out because I never call or text anyone up here either.) So, I'm resolved to do a bit better, although I will probably still not call or text you because I'm lazy. It's time for me to go, but I will write more soon!

Update!

Basically, drama sucks the life out of you. That's my excuse of an excuse of why I haven't written at all. Anyways, here's my classes update.

Math: EVIL!!!!!!!!!!!! It's this lame class for elementary school teachers that is basically all logic and abominations. We have to learn different bases just because!! Ok, maybe not just because, but the lame reason is, "You need to understand what your students are going through." I'm pretty sure that I do understand being that I had to learn the same things! Learning how to do math in bases 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, etc. is not going to help me in life. Everyone uses base 10. ARG! Sorry for the ranting; it's just frustrating. Also, my teacher is most malevolent. There's a reason she's old and unmarried. That was mean. I feel bad but not bad enough to go back and delete it bwa ha. Despite my dislike I'm still getting an A.

Civilizations/Humanities: We're learning about modern wars, which is good because I don't know a lot about it. The bad thing/ good thing (I'm still undecided) is that my teacher's teaching style is Mr. Kurtz-ish. She just shows us movies and she informed us a week ago that the books (that we had all already bought) were just for those students who wanted to go the extra mile. All of the answers for our tests are on these quizzes that she passes out daily. We don't have to take them; she just tells us the answers. Also, she over-booked the class so A-K meets on Monday L-Z on Wednesday and we all get together on Friday. My opinion is vacillating because I have too much on my plate with everything else, but I still feel like I would like to have a teacher who cares about the class. She is hilarious though.

Anthropology of Religion: I hate sex-obsessed old men!!! I realize that there are some sexual symbols in religion, but an indepth discussion of this is not required to get the point across. I really thought that I would like this class because the subject matter is interesting to me, but I hate feeling uncomfortable. The videos that he chooses to show are wack. Yes, it's nice to hear a religious story from the actual tribesmen, but not when there are topless tribeswomen running around. Closing my eyes after seeing it doesn't stop the original image from existing in my mind. Also, it's very possible to say that there is a religion where they go into convulsions without showing a video of it. It felt so... wrong. I could almost feel Satan's presence. Luckily, to counter this class I'm taking The Gospel and World Religions from Bro. Maughn. He's the best institute teacher I've ever had. It really helps me to keep the spirit in tact while still learning about other religions. It's a breath of fresh air.

U.S. Institutions: I actually like this class. The teacher is great and it has helped me to become very politically active. I need to study more to get better grades, but that's all that I really have to say about this class.

English: Ah, mi amore. This is hands down my favorite class. It's small and discussion-oriented. I probably talk too much, but I get so excited by the subject matter. We're reading 75 Arguments, and it's great. I would highly recommend it for a book club because it almost demands discussion. The writing has also been a release for my pent-up emotion. The teacher (a girl) is young and excellent and the people in the class are very prone to converse. I also have a guy friend in the class which always helps you to be more yourself, I think.

Work: It's not a class, but it feels like it sometimes. It has its highs and lows. I'm an office aide and I pretty much get paid to alphabetize. I don't mind though. The worst thing I've had to do is take staples out of papers and shred them. The best thing was writing on a typewriter yesterday. It was most enjoyable.

If you read all of that you're amazing.

I'm going to do a big update soon, but not yet. I'm pretty busy. This post is my paper that I just barely wrote for English. Any thoughts on it would be nice. We picked a painting in our art museum on campus and we have to pick one word to describe it. The catch is that you can't use that word in the paper. Anyways, so here it is. The painting is Two Worlds by Henrietta Shore.

Two orbs float in a dream world of brilliant blue. Their radiating light casts a glow on the surface below. The glow does nothing to gladden the barren surface. The sky ripples from dark to light. All is still. A sharp crag extends towards the heavens. Its harsh edges of black cut the blue. One orb hovers just above, beaming its content. It is faint, but luminous. All seems well. The other orb hangs below. The ground appears a mere distance away. Its center is deformed. Smoldering, it pulses viciously. All is vivid. A rivulet of its light reaches ever up towards the other orb. Its own encasing prevents the light from leaving. Its constant barrage brings no success. It strives for higher, superiority gnawing its soul. All is yearning. Bloating with dissatisfaction, it sinks. Its core churns. Each upward longing is an added weight. The ground grows closer. All is falling.
Oblivious to the struggle it causes, the high orb is satisfied. Its size, place, and feelings are concrete. It exists with a joy of life. It is grounded in its fortune. All is constant. The other orb rages in its craving. Equality would not be enough for it. Satisfaction with any fate seems unlikely. “More” continues to be its mindless cry. All is need. The blaze of the falling orb brings itself pain. Its energy depletes to feed its hunger. Each feeding increases its insatiable desire. It finds no repose. All is drained. It remains trapped in its self-created downward spiral. No ladder could save it from the plunge. The bleak earth draws near. Destruction is inescapable. All is lost.
My Word: Want