All rise. All rise. Court is now in session. Kim Allred presiding.

Ok maybe not presiding, but I got called to Jury Duty! Can you believe my rotten luck?

Firstly, I have never gotten the mail at my place, and the one day I do, the only thing in the box is a lovely letter for me. I'll never get the mail ever again.

Secondly, I just barely registered to vote for this past election. I'll never vote ever again.

Thirdly, I'm just nineteen!! I'll never be nineteen ever again.

(Don't you love my double negatives? I sure do. Oh, and I'll probably still do all those things, but I'm still working on stopping being nineteen. It's taking a lot of effort.)

I called my mom right after I got it, and I tried to convince her (jokingly) to come with me. I will have no clue what's going on, and I'll be all alone. That's the part that I'm dreading the most.

Also, what if it's a murderer/rapist/abductor/fraternizer/traitor/mafia member/stalker person? I will of course do my "civic duty" and vote against him, but that will incite the murderer/rapist/abductor/fraternizer/traitor/mafia member/stalker person's wrath! He will probably have a personal vendetta against me because he was counting on pity from such a young, lovely thing. I'll spend the rest of my life hiding under the pseudonym of Shaniqua Kulmatiski and living in total petrification of being caught. I'll examine every corridor for lurkers, peer behind every shower curtain, and hire a personal guard/kung-fu fighter/food taster/weapons master/slave/troubador/undercover hunk with whom I will fall madly in love until I'm left crying over his dead body after he's been fatally poisoned with arsenic-laced, prime-rib steak...

Of course, that probably won't happen, but wouldn't it be exciting if it did?

The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.

Today on the way to school I mentally found where every letter of the alphabet was in the sentence above. Why? Because I'm crazy.

Also, Today's my half-birthday!! Happy half-birthday to me! It's scary to think that I will be twenty in just six months. Ah! That is so old. 

Also also, I've been alternating between Pilates and The Biggest Loser tapes for exercise this week. (You laugh at the second one, but it is killer!) I've been super sore because of this, and I wrote a spontaneous song about it. Want to hear? Too bad, you have no choice.

My butt is very sore.

Very sore is my butt.

And if it was not very sore.

It would not be my butt.

Any guesses on the tune/song?

What Have I Done?

Since I have no one to tag, I'm going to take the liberty of commenting on some of these.

What have you done?

Bold the items you have done:
1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band (I've been in many. The coolest would probably be jazz  band, and my band with some of my friends up here called The Penguins!)
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland (Yay!)
8. Climbed a mountain (It doesn't say to the top...)
9. Held a Praying Mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea 
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch (I say that crocheting is art.)
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning (Chuckarama is Suckarama and Upchuckarama.)
17. Been to the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa at the Louvre
20. Slept on a train (I fell asleep on the tracks, so I say that counts.)
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort 
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person

34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors (It doesn't specify which ones.)

35. Seen an Amish community

36. Taught yourself a new language

37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied

38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing 
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie (I say that home-made movies count.)
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma (Never, never, never.)
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp (This one is so unfair. I went to Germany, and we had two buses. At one point, one bus got to go to a concentration camp. The rest of us went to a clock tower. I really wanted to go.)
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten caviar
72. Tied a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a Bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book (Someday.)
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous (Matt Dorame counts.)
92. Joined a book club (My Understanding Literature class is basically a book club, and I joined it.)
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby 
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake (Sadly no even though it's right there, but I've always wanted to, but no one will go with me.
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Visited Italy

I have 43 like Alyssa. Woot-ish!

Fainting Fatality

Once upon a time, there was a lovely girl named Kim. She dreamt her whole life of being a damsel in distress. Every dream ended with her white knight rescuing her from the calamity. 

One ordinary day, she woke up. She felt perfectly chipper and went about her daily duties. She then journeyed to her academy for her first course of the day. It was her Health lesson, a class that she dearly enjoyed. Alas, her interest decreased alarmingly when she found out that the subject matter being discussed was... contraceptives! She was horrified at what she learnt (that's all you need to know). 

One might say that Kim shouldn't have stayed, but she was studious and desired to pass the exam. She became decidedly feather-brained (light-headed) while listening to her professor. She tried to still trudge along with note-taking and put her head down on her desk when she had the chance. Alas the day! It became too much for her, and she... FAINTED. 

The next thing she knew the professor was in front of her, and Kim was rushed out the door. She spent time in the headmaster's office until the king's knight (security guard) escorted her to the school infirmary. She spent the morning there in an swoony haze. The healer asked her all sorts of questions like: "Did you sleep?"; "Did you eat?"; "Are you diabetic?"; "Has this happened before?"; "Is George visiting?"(Are you on your period?); "Are you stressed?" To which she replied: "Yes."; "Yes."; "No."; "No."; "Yes." "YES!" The healer told her that her blood pressure is normally low and that it just dropped too low. She was informed that it was probably a one time thing that was influenced by the factors of George, stress, low blood pressure, and contraceptives. She rested for the rest of the day and got excused from a physics test.

Thankfully, our heroine recovered, but, alas, she mourned the fact that she thought of no one romantically in her health class, so there was no knight. She wished it had been in her Understanding Literature class because then.... Let's just say it would've been an entirely different story.

The moral of this story is contraceptives are gross!

"Faint heart never won fair lady!"- W. S. Gilbert

P.S. Truly, this is a true story of truthfulness and truth.