Read the following in a radio announcer voice.

December December December December December
21st 21st 21st 21st 21st
Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday


IMAGINE DRAGONS AT CLUB VELOUR IN PROVO!!!!!!
FOR FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's right people. If you act now you can see this amazing band with this season's IT girl: Kim Allred. FOR FREE!!!! Contact her for more details.

Warning: You may need to pass a cool test before she will be seen with you in public...

Jupiter One

Do yourself a favor and listen.

Tortilla Tale

It was a den of cutthroats and theives, killers and gangs, and liars and bullies. A dog eat dog world, or in this case, burrito eat burrito world. Yes, you know the site of which I speak: Costa Vida. The very name runs chills down your spine and raises the hair on your back. You've been told not to walk alone in places like this. Our story starts when one very foolish burrito did just that. We'll call her J. Zabriskie; no that's too obvious. We'll call her Jody Z.

Jody Z. was a tough customer. She walked into the joint smothered and saucy, looking for trouble and thinking she could handle the trouble she'd get. She stepped into the burning alleyway to melt her cheese when she saw a poor, defenseless, lovely, perfect, sweet, sweet-pork burrito named Kam Tallred.* She rolled down the lane and beat up Kam Tallred with her right and left hooks. Alas, Jody Z. was so entranced with her pounding that she didn't notice the evil mastermind burrito Jar-red sneaking up behind. You see, Jody Z. had fallen perfectly into his trap. Kam Tallred was really not a victim at all: she was bait. So Jar-red sidled up to Jody Z. to give her a solid thrashing, and Kam Tallred joined in the fray, giving Jody Z. a taste of her own left and right hooks. Wham! Bam! Wham! Bam! Jody Z. was pushed closer and closer to the alley's edge until....

Splat!
She fell!

Right
on
the
floor.

*Name has been changed for protection.

You know you're in Logan when...

You can go from sleeping in your underwear to sleeping in warm pajamas with fuzzy socks and slippers and a robe with double the blankets- all in one month.

Another poem... yes I am lazy.

Drain




Each fountain I pass calls me
to feed.
I’m pulled to push the bar
and release the captive rain.

I stoop to cool my thirst.
The water shoots to my dry,
gasping tongue.
I feast and still
need more.

I press my lips to the spiraling grate
and suck
as much as I can
before it gurgles and spats

down the drain.

"Bright are the stars that shine. Dark is the sky."

Right now, I want to run away to this painting.

Up Tight

Listen to this. Do it.

Recycling Creativity

So, in my poetry writing class, I've been recycling old poems because I'm too lazy to write new ones. I figured that I would continue the trend by recycling the new stuff I write for that class on here for the same reason. So, here is something.



I call my creek mine because I leave some of myself behind each time we part. It sang to me ever since my first inkling of its existence. Our meeting was simple. The exchange of names was unnecessary for we recognized our own. I saw my hair in its glinting water, my feet in its stony bed, and my laugh in its babble. My creek saw the same in me. It bid me to step into its chill beneath the shading trees. And we became ours.

Here is a poem. A what? A poem. A what? A poem. Oh, a poem.

Pets I Have Killed

The first, a fish for the four-year-old. The most vibrant word, Marker, chosen to fit its hue. Food. There can be too much of a good thing.
Rabbits, on a baptismal day. Put away in a room of their own.
Care. Out of sight is out of mind.
Birds, during the body change. Their warbling meant to ease sleep.
Clean. Cleanliness is next to Godliness.
The last, a dog for the “grown-up”. Walked every day, but once without a leash.
Haste. Be careful before every step.

Dang it. The format's all messed up, but oh well.

Oh, and that line wasn't part of the poem, in case you couldn't tell. This one wasn't either.

Cryptic

If you want to know how I'm feeling today find the twelfth song on The Beatles' album Help!

Listen to it. Tee hee.

Quicky? Quickee? Quickie?

Quick post. So, I was re-reading my old e-mails when I came across all of our correspondences back when we first went to college. (Ah youth, I knew you well.) They were so fun to read again! One thing that did I notice is that I was the worst one at writing back.

Sound familiar?

Dating Tips From A 3-Year Old

One of my friends was given this list from the very reliable source above.

1. Speak incoherently
2. Slow down
3. Avoid Serious Questions
4. When in doubt, change the subject
5. Identify gender, then hug the girl
6. If funny, repeat
7. Jump into girl's arms
8. Stay hydrated (water is yum)
9. Try different angles
10. Get squished
11. Avoid head cracking
12. Repeat

Eureka! I've been forgetting to repeat! Who knew shampoo and dating were so similar? In fact, I bet I could write the same instructions for shampoo.

1. Read the contents label aloud.
2. Lather and enjoy. Yes! Oh, Yes!
3. Don't read the warning label.
4. When in doubt, talk to your shampoo.
5. Identify brand, then hug the product.
6. Again! Again!
7. Jump in and out of the shower spray.
8. Shower water. Bottoms up!
9. Rinse upside down (stand on your head).
10. Curl into the fetal position.
11. Avoid shower head.
12. Again! Again!

"It is not white hair that engenders wisdom." -Meander

I am finally getting around to this.

What is your current obsession?
I would say that my current obsession would probably be So You Think You Can Dance. I watched it every week with out fail and went with out much needed sleep. It's probably good that it's over.

Coffee or tea?
Herbal Tea! Herbal Tea! Herbal Tea is good for me! Seriously, a warm cup of chamomile with a hint of honey is one of the best things ever.

What's for dinner?
Kim: What are we having for dinner mom?
Mom: We're having this black bean rice salad.
Kim: Oh.
Mom: Does that sound yucky?
Kim: No, I'm writing a blog post about it.
Mom: Well, it's called Rice, Black Bean, and Corn Salad if you want to be exact.
Kim: Thanks mom.

What was the last thing you bought?
Tee hee. Bras and underwear. Black, pink, and tan. Sentences with no verbs. Kidding. Dang it. That was a verb.

What is your favorite ice cream flavor?
Cookie dough back when I could have it, but there's a soy ice cream I just had called Vanilla Fudge that was pretty good.

What is your favorite color?
Blue... no yellow. Ah! Actually, GREEN!

What is your favorite piece of clothing in your wardrobe?
My red silky pajamas that turn me into a superhero.

What is your dream job?
Now that I think about it, being a book reviewer. Being paid to read would be the best thing ever.

How many times do you press the snooze button before you get up?
Well, I always use two alarms. Currently, my quiet one goes off at five and continues to sound every four minutes with me pressing the snooze button every time until 5:15 when my loud cell phone alarm goes off. I press that snooze once until 5:20, and then I force myself awake.

The End. I shall not tag anyone.

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince was...

DEFINITELY THE BEST ONE YET!!!

(Except for Ginny and the flying Death Eaters [that could totally be a title for the next book, ha ha]. )

Seriously, Ginny Darling, awkwardly shoving tarts in Harry Potter's face and awkwardly tying his shoes is NOT sexy. Neither is being boring, stiff, and did I mention awkward?

On a happier note, I loved everything else, and I even didn't mind the addition of scenes that weren't in the book. I pretty much laughed the whole time. Much of that laughter was due to my love, Ron/Rupert Grint. He doesn't know it yet, but we're destined for each other. Don't believe me? Well, I have proof. *Ahem* I, Kim Allred, had a daydream about him when the first movie came out.

Said daydream went thusly:

Kim Allred moved to England for studying and the like. She journeyed to the famed Bodleian Library. She was in heaven and began to gather a hefty stack of books. As she proceeded blindly to the check-out stand, she stumbled, and her tomes crashed to the floor. Disaster was evaded when Rupert Grint caught her and helped her collect her books. Hands touched, eyes met, and love bloomed. They spent the rest of their days in the wondrous splendor of love.

That's got to be the strongest evidence I've ever heard.

Meet My Future Husband

Frezned. Friends.

Friends. Frezned.

Now that you're acquainted, you are probably wondering how this came to be.

This is how: http://www.youtube.com/user/frezned

He posts videos; I watch them.

He is perfect, Australian, perfect, funny, perfect, brown-eyed, perfect, clever, and perfect. Did I mention that he was perfect?

Warning: Do not read further if you are susceptible to tears.

Girl sees boy's youtube videos. Girl falls for boy. Girl sinks into despair because of the serious damper living 8,009 miles apart -or 12,890 kilometers for those of you that speak metric- can put on stalking. Boy doesn't know girl exists. (Although once, boy and girl both posted a comment on one of his videos at the same time. Girl felt fireworks...)

Mock not until you have seen this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zgZDcC_I7W8&feature=channel_page

and this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GuV8b7RvnfE&feature=channel
*Sigh*

"The most wasted of all days is one without laughter." -e e cummings

I find this video delightful and hilarious. Hopefully, you will as well.

For instant entertainment, click here.

If you've already seen it, it's worth watching again. You'll be able to quote it better! You can share it with your friends! You can be popular! All this is yours for a monthly deposit of $111.11 to the non-profit organization Kimallredneedsmoney. Enjoy!

My Sylar... "You have the hunger. You're like me."

Is it wrong to have a "thing" for a deranged, psychotic killer?

Because I do... He's misunderstood!

Straight A's baby!!!

I, Kim Allred, have officially achieved my goal of getting real straight A's in college (as opposed to fake ones, namely A-'s). Read 'em and weep Physics!

ENGL 2200 Understanding Literature A

HEP 2500 Health and Wellness A

MUSC 3260 Elementary School Music A

MUSC 4700 Wind Orchestra A

PHYS 1200 Introduction to Physics by Hands-on Exploration A

SPED 4000 Education of Exceptional Individuals A

The Exploding Toilet of Death!!!!

Crack!! Whoosh!!



Imagine hearing those sounds whilst in your front room with company at midnight.



Ok stop imagining because it really happened!



We were all just minding our own business when our various doings were interrupted by those exact sounds. We searched for the origin of these noises and found it in our downstairs bathroom. The tank had cracked, and water was gushing out. I stared in shock while Heather resourcefully turned the water off (this would prevent the tank refilling.) We then proceeded to watch the tank empty its entire contents on our bathroom floor, leaving us with a pool of two-inch deep water. (None of us were smart enough to think of flushing the toilet, which would've prevented said lake.) We spent the rest of the night stealing towels and mops from various unsuspecting bystanders and swabbing the deck. It was quite the adventure.

P.S. The lovely poster was drawn by yours truly with chalk, and I realize that toilet is spelled wrong in it. I was too traumatized to spell!

"Can I please have a look at the lyrics?"

My friend Steve is in a kind-of band. His friend Jeff, who also happens to my cousin's ex-boyfriend, wrote a song. He was having a hard time coming up with lyrics, so Steve asked me to write some. (He also played the song for me, and it was really pretty and mysterious.) Anywyas, this is what I came up with.

It’s All the Same to Me

Burning sand beneath my fingers,

Crashing waves upon the shore,

Memories blur the view before me.

I waste the scene and long for more.

 

Chorus

It’s all the same to me.

No beauty can I find.

It’s all the same to me.

My want has left me blind.

 

Woodland glade where sunlight lingers,

Spanning trees where falcons soar,

Shades of you are all I see.

I feel I’ve walked this path before.

 

Optional Bridge

I search although I’m sightless.

I stumble and I fall.

Nothing lights the darkness.

No one can hear my call.

 

Chorus

 

Burning sand beneath my fingers,

Spanning trees where falcons soar,

Memories blur the view before me.

I feel I’ve walked this path before.

 

Chorus

 

It’s all the same to me.

Happy Birthday Katie!!!!

You've had a birthday shout hurray! Woo! 

We want to sing to you today! Woo!

ONE YEAR OLDER AND WISER TOO! Woo! 

Happy Birthday! Woo! To you!

Do you get it? Bwa ha ha you are an old granny now. Just kidding. Twenty isn't that old. 

Katie, I want to thank you for the many years of friendship that we've had. We've been friends ever since we met, and we've never had a real fight. I know that that's because of you. (I have a tendency to be too stubborn.) You have put up with me for such a long time. I don't know how you do it. Thank you for all the craziness and adventure. So many of my favorite memories were created by your creativity. You've been such an example to me of how to live life. You've always done your best in everything you do, and you have had so much success because of this. Your strength of testimony has been a support to me through my life as well. 

Thank you for pondering life with me while gazing at the stars. Thank you for recommending and discussing books. Thank you for belting Moulin Rouge with me to ward off cougars. Thank you for the many furtive French conversations. Thank you for flooding the sandbox with me. Thank you for always standing by me. Thank you for filming music videos and creating plays with me. Thank you for the night games. Thank you for listening and confiding. Most of all Katie, thank you for the memories, time, and constant friendship. I love you, and I am forever in your debt.

All rise. All rise. Court is now in session. Kim Allred presiding.

Ok maybe not presiding, but I got called to Jury Duty! Can you believe my rotten luck?

Firstly, I have never gotten the mail at my place, and the one day I do, the only thing in the box is a lovely letter for me. I'll never get the mail ever again.

Secondly, I just barely registered to vote for this past election. I'll never vote ever again.

Thirdly, I'm just nineteen!! I'll never be nineteen ever again.

(Don't you love my double negatives? I sure do. Oh, and I'll probably still do all those things, but I'm still working on stopping being nineteen. It's taking a lot of effort.)

I called my mom right after I got it, and I tried to convince her (jokingly) to come with me. I will have no clue what's going on, and I'll be all alone. That's the part that I'm dreading the most.

Also, what if it's a murderer/rapist/abductor/fraternizer/traitor/mafia member/stalker person? I will of course do my "civic duty" and vote against him, but that will incite the murderer/rapist/abductor/fraternizer/traitor/mafia member/stalker person's wrath! He will probably have a personal vendetta against me because he was counting on pity from such a young, lovely thing. I'll spend the rest of my life hiding under the pseudonym of Shaniqua Kulmatiski and living in total petrification of being caught. I'll examine every corridor for lurkers, peer behind every shower curtain, and hire a personal guard/kung-fu fighter/food taster/weapons master/slave/troubador/undercover hunk with whom I will fall madly in love until I'm left crying over his dead body after he's been fatally poisoned with arsenic-laced, prime-rib steak...

Of course, that probably won't happen, but wouldn't it be exciting if it did?

The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.

Today on the way to school I mentally found where every letter of the alphabet was in the sentence above. Why? Because I'm crazy.

Also, Today's my half-birthday!! Happy half-birthday to me! It's scary to think that I will be twenty in just six months. Ah! That is so old. 

Also also, I've been alternating between Pilates and The Biggest Loser tapes for exercise this week. (You laugh at the second one, but it is killer!) I've been super sore because of this, and I wrote a spontaneous song about it. Want to hear? Too bad, you have no choice.

My butt is very sore.

Very sore is my butt.

And if it was not very sore.

It would not be my butt.

Any guesses on the tune/song?

What Have I Done?

Since I have no one to tag, I'm going to take the liberty of commenting on some of these.

What have you done?

Bold the items you have done:
1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band (I've been in many. The coolest would probably be jazz  band, and my band with some of my friends up here called The Penguins!)
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland (Yay!)
8. Climbed a mountain (It doesn't say to the top...)
9. Held a Praying Mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea 
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch (I say that crocheting is art.)
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning (Chuckarama is Suckarama and Upchuckarama.)
17. Been to the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa at the Louvre
20. Slept on a train (I fell asleep on the tracks, so I say that counts.)
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort 
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person

34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors (It doesn't specify which ones.)

35. Seen an Amish community

36. Taught yourself a new language

37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied

38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing 
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie (I say that home-made movies count.)
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma (Never, never, never.)
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp (This one is so unfair. I went to Germany, and we had two buses. At one point, one bus got to go to a concentration camp. The rest of us went to a clock tower. I really wanted to go.)
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten caviar
72. Tied a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a Bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book (Someday.)
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous (Matt Dorame counts.)
92. Joined a book club (My Understanding Literature class is basically a book club, and I joined it.)
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby 
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake (Sadly no even though it's right there, but I've always wanted to, but no one will go with me.
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Visited Italy

I have 43 like Alyssa. Woot-ish!

Fainting Fatality

Once upon a time, there was a lovely girl named Kim. She dreamt her whole life of being a damsel in distress. Every dream ended with her white knight rescuing her from the calamity. 

One ordinary day, she woke up. She felt perfectly chipper and went about her daily duties. She then journeyed to her academy for her first course of the day. It was her Health lesson, a class that she dearly enjoyed. Alas, her interest decreased alarmingly when she found out that the subject matter being discussed was... contraceptives! She was horrified at what she learnt (that's all you need to know). 

One might say that Kim shouldn't have stayed, but she was studious and desired to pass the exam. She became decidedly feather-brained (light-headed) while listening to her professor. She tried to still trudge along with note-taking and put her head down on her desk when she had the chance. Alas the day! It became too much for her, and she... FAINTED. 

The next thing she knew the professor was in front of her, and Kim was rushed out the door. She spent time in the headmaster's office until the king's knight (security guard) escorted her to the school infirmary. She spent the morning there in an swoony haze. The healer asked her all sorts of questions like: "Did you sleep?"; "Did you eat?"; "Are you diabetic?"; "Has this happened before?"; "Is George visiting?"(Are you on your period?); "Are you stressed?" To which she replied: "Yes."; "Yes."; "No."; "No."; "Yes." "YES!" The healer told her that her blood pressure is normally low and that it just dropped too low. She was informed that it was probably a one time thing that was influenced by the factors of George, stress, low blood pressure, and contraceptives. She rested for the rest of the day and got excused from a physics test.

Thankfully, our heroine recovered, but, alas, she mourned the fact that she thought of no one romantically in her health class, so there was no knight. She wished it had been in her Understanding Literature class because then.... Let's just say it would've been an entirely different story.

The moral of this story is contraceptives are gross!

"Faint heart never won fair lady!"- W. S. Gilbert

P.S. Truly, this is a true story of truthfulness and truth.

Be Amazed.

Lately I've had nothing to do for the last half an hour of work. I decided that I'm going to try to do at least a few little blog posts. (This is the part where you rejoice.) 

Anyways, I was talking to Katie last night, and we both mentioned that we (the SA girls) haven't been communicating super a lot. I realized that I was the worst culprit of this. You guys all talk about what's happening in your lives on your blogs and everyone gets to comment on them. I also never call or text anyone. (But don't feel left out because I never call or text anyone up here either.) So, I'm resolved to do a bit better, although I will probably still not call or text you because I'm lazy. It's time for me to go, but I will write more soon!